On Bemoaning BabyWise

(This post is a response to the debate over the principles in the book "On Becoming Babywise" so I thought the On Bemoaning BabyWise title was clever. Silly me - it can lead those that don't read the following to believe I personally bemoan Babywise. I don't bemoan the book, I think it's a lifesaver but recognize there is some misinformation mixed in. Read on.)

I posted a short comment on Amy's blog the other day when she first "admitted" to an angry mob that she uses the BabyWise method (Gary Ezzo's book, see her blog for a short but accurate description). Now, however, the debate continues and I have to relieve myself of the need to further speak out on the topic. I have nothing to say that hasn't already been read/heard and either accepted or dismissed, but I've tried it twice now and here's my story:

Jeremy and BabyWise:
I bought the book while pregnant. Soon after Jeremy was born, I bought What to Expect the First Year (which is a tad on the Dr. Sears methodology). Jeremy was born a healthy 8 lbs. 12 oz. I was determined to breastfeed - after all, that's the mark of a loving mom, right? For the first couple months I was making sure to feed 8 times (sometimes 7) a day, I was in pain, I was visiting and talking on the phone with the hospital's lactation consultants, and Jeremy was hardly gaining weight. I read the books, I turned to 2 to 2 1/2 hour schedules to "build my supply" and eventually turned to formula supplements after each meal. I went back to work when Jeremy was nearly three months old and after about a week of being bottle-fed during the day he went on a nursing strike through which I didn't have the energy to persist. Though I continued to pump for a month or so, Jeremy became a full-time bottle baby and soon my milk was dry.

With bottles I found it easier to be on a schedule, so Jeremy became a bottle-fed Babywise baby and we followed the eating/sleeping schedule pretty closely. Aside from the lingering guilt that I had not breastfed as long as I wanted, I loved the schedule and even bought BabyWise II.

Evan and BabyWise:
When I was pregnant with Evan, my breastfeeding experience (or "failure" as I classified it) was still fresh in my mind (very fresh, like one-month-ago fresh...anyway) so I determined to toss BabyWise and to feed him on demand. Evan was born at 8 lbs. 9 oz. and immediately began to nurse well. We went home from the hospital early, the nurses saw we were doing great and for the most part left us alone and didn't make me go to one of those wretched discharge classes or anything. I was proud. Everything went well for ten days and I was feeding every 2-3 hours during the day and a couple times during the night. Then I got mastitis and was given antibiotics. Then I got a stomach flu. Then we got thrush (likely because of my antibiotics). The pain never went away.

At three weeks Evan still had not begun to regain the typical lost babyweight and was under 8 lbs. He was diagnosed as failure to thrive and I was sent over to the lactation consultant with my personal diagnosis of myself: failure to mother. The lactation consultant found I had a "diminished milk supply." We did everything we could for the next two months. I wore a nursing supplementer. I fed every 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours. I set the alarm to wake my baby up during the night to nurse. I was exhausted and I had a 14-month old feeling put out and wreaking havoc on my house because I was always tied down trying to nurse Evan. I took a prescription that was supposed to bring back the milk supply, I took fenugreek, I took mother's milk tea, I took brewers yeast, I ate oatmeal, we co-slept. I can honestly say I tried everything.

After almost four months of nursing obsession, I realized I needed to be a better mother and that would require more rest, and more "arms empty" time to care after Jeremy. We dropped half our nursing sessions and replaced them with formula. Of course my little supply began to drop off even more and today I only nurse in the morning and at night. However, with the bottles came the schedule and Evan immediately began sleeping through the night. We are rested, we are happy, we are back to the BabyWise schedule, and most importantly, my children are healthy.

Can BabyWise work with nursing?
Yes. I know people who nurse and use BabyWise and they're happy and successful at it. I know of other people that condemn mothers who use BabyWise and blame the method for milk supply issues. These are the mothers that demand fed their children for a year or two without incident. I've been on both sides and will say that neither scheduled nor demand feeding guarantee "successful" breastfeeding. I have heard that milk storage capacity varies 300% among women so some women will always, no matter what, have to feed their babies very frequently - something that doesn't work with BabyWise. I think it really is a genetic thing. To any new mothers that actually care what I think on the subject I say "try BabyWise and watch your baby closely; if you're a mom that can store and dispense 8 oz at one feeding it will probably work for you, if not, you might have to modify the method."


But "very few women medically can't breastfeed."
I've heard several people say that only a handful of women are really unable to breastfeed and imply that women who stop and say they were unable really had bad technique or were lazy and just wanted to use a bottle. Some of these women are my friends but don't know my personal struggles (so they are still my friends). I even caught myself in my initial "ten successful breastfeeding days" with Evan looking at bottle-feeding women and wondering what their story is and why didn't they love their babies enough to nurse. How proud.

"Breast is best," "formula should be available by prescription only," "very few women are unable to breastfeed" and "women who quit because they have low milk supply are uneducated" are comments I've heard. I'd like to put it out there for these successful lactivists that some of us ARE educated, we HAVE tried it all, we HAVE sought medical help, and we do feel guilt that we can't supply some of the breastfeeding benefits to our children. These comments only serve to knock our motherhood confidence lower.

Anyway, I'm off track here and ranting so I'll just end with:
BabyWise - some women can do the whole program, some can't. There's no way to tell who will be good at it and who will "fail" so get off your high horse and pay attention to your own children.