Thursday, August 25, 2005

On Bemoaning BabyWise

(This post is a response to the debate over the principles in the book "On Becoming Babywise" so I thought the On Bemoaning BabyWise title was clever. Silly me - it can lead those that don't read the following to believe I personally bemoan Babywise. I don't bemoan the book, I think it's a lifesaver but recognize there is some misinformation mixed in. Read on.)

I posted a short comment on Amy's blog the other day when she first "admitted" to an angry mob that she uses the BabyWise method (Gary Ezzo's book, see her blog for a short but accurate description). Now, however, the debate continues and I have to relieve myself of the need to further speak out on the topic. I have nothing to say that hasn't already been read/heard and either accepted or dismissed, but I've tried it twice now and here's my story:

Jeremy and BabyWise:
I bought the book while pregnant. Soon after Jeremy was born, I bought What to Expect the First Year (which is a tad on the Dr. Sears methodology). Jeremy was born a healthy 8 lbs. 12 oz. I was determined to breastfeed - after all, that's the mark of a loving mom, right? For the first couple months I was making sure to feed 8 times (sometimes 7) a day, I was in pain, I was visiting and talking on the phone with the hospital's lactation consultants, and Jeremy was hardly gaining weight. I read the books, I turned to 2 to 2 1/2 hour schedules to "build my supply" and eventually turned to formula supplements after each meal. I went back to work when Jeremy was nearly three months old and after about a week of being bottle-fed during the day he went on a nursing strike through which I didn't have the energy to persist. Though I continued to pump for a month or so, Jeremy became a full-time bottle baby and soon my milk was dry.

With bottles I found it easier to be on a schedule, so Jeremy became a bottle-fed Babywise baby and we followed the eating/sleeping schedule pretty closely. Aside from the lingering guilt that I had not breastfed as long as I wanted, I loved the schedule and even bought BabyWise II.

Evan and BabyWise:
When I was pregnant with Evan, my breastfeeding experience (or "failure" as I classified it) was still fresh in my mind (very fresh, like one-month-ago fresh...anyway) so I determined to toss BabyWise and to feed him on demand. Evan was born at 8 lbs. 9 oz. and immediately began to nurse well. We went home from the hospital early, the nurses saw we were doing great and for the most part left us alone and didn't make me go to one of those wretched discharge classes or anything. I was proud. Everything went well for ten days and I was feeding every 2-3 hours during the day and a couple times during the night. Then I got mastitis and was given antibiotics. Then I got a stomach flu. Then we got thrush (likely because of my antibiotics). The pain never went away.

At three weeks Evan still had not begun to regain the typical lost babyweight and was under 8 lbs. He was diagnosed as failure to thrive and I was sent over to the lactation consultant with my personal diagnosis of myself: failure to mother. The lactation consultant found I had a "diminished milk supply." We did everything we could for the next two months. I wore a nursing supplementer. I fed every 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours. I set the alarm to wake my baby up during the night to nurse. I was exhausted and I had a 14-month old feeling put out and wreaking havoc on my house because I was always tied down trying to nurse Evan. I took a prescription that was supposed to bring back the milk supply, I took fenugreek, I took mother's milk tea, I took brewers yeast, I ate oatmeal, we co-slept. I can honestly say I tried everything.

After almost four months of nursing obsession, I realized I needed to be a better mother and that would require more rest, and more "arms empty" time to care after Jeremy. We dropped half our nursing sessions and replaced them with formula. Of course my little supply began to drop off even more and today I only nurse in the morning and at night. However, with the bottles came the schedule and Evan immediately began sleeping through the night. We are rested, we are happy, we are back to the BabyWise schedule, and most importantly, my children are healthy.

Can BabyWise work with nursing?
Yes. I know people who nurse and use BabyWise and they're happy and successful at it. I know of other people that condemn mothers who use BabyWise and blame the method for milk supply issues. These are the mothers that demand fed their children for a year or two without incident. I've been on both sides and will say that neither scheduled nor demand feeding guarantee "successful" breastfeeding. I have heard that milk storage capacity varies 300% among women so some women will always, no matter what, have to feed their babies very frequently - something that doesn't work with BabyWise. I think it really is a genetic thing. To any new mothers that actually care what I think on the subject I say "try BabyWise and watch your baby closely; if you're a mom that can store and dispense 8 oz at one feeding it will probably work for you, if not, you might have to modify the method."


But "very few women medically can't breastfeed."
I've heard several people say that only a handful of women are really unable to breastfeed and imply that women who stop and say they were unable really had bad technique or were lazy and just wanted to use a bottle. Some of these women are my friends but don't know my personal struggles (so they are still my friends). I even caught myself in my initial "ten successful breastfeeding days" with Evan looking at bottle-feeding women and wondering what their story is and why didn't they love their babies enough to nurse. How proud.

"Breast is best," "formula should be available by prescription only," "very few women are unable to breastfeed" and "women who quit because they have low milk supply are uneducated" are comments I've heard. I'd like to put it out there for these successful lactivists that some of us ARE educated, we HAVE tried it all, we HAVE sought medical help, and we do feel guilt that we can't supply some of the breastfeeding benefits to our children. These comments only serve to knock our motherhood confidence lower.

Anyway, I'm off track here and ranting so I'll just end with:
BabyWise - some women can do the whole program, some can't. There's no way to tell who will be good at it and who will "fail" so get off your high horse and pay attention to your own children.

5 Comments:

At August 25, 2005 6:06 PM, Blogger Amy K said...

Hey Amanda - I appreciate your perspective and totally agree with what you say. Regarding breastfeeding - what really matters is loving your child and if it didn't work for you, that's okay. I'm sorry that it was such a struggle, though!

I hope, in the posts on my blog, people don't feel I'm being too judgmental. I really don't care what other people do for their kids if it works for them. I was just sharing what's worked for us.

God bless,
Amy

 
At August 25, 2005 6:20 PM, Blogger amanda said...

Amy - this totally wasn't about you (perhaps I should have made that more clear since I did link to your blog). I was just weighing in on the topic in general. If I ever want to attack you, I'll definitely go to the source and comment directly on your blog. =)

 
At August 26, 2005 1:14 PM, Blogger Rachelle said...

How did I just find your blog? (Mike was looking at it and I said, "What is that?" I think he showed me pictures when Evan was born and I just thought it was a website you posted newborn photos on.)

Anyway, I am SO Sorry for your experience. I sure wish I could share my supply with you--I am probably the 300% different--I always got mastitis if I didn't feed at least every 4 hours--I've had it probably 5 or 6 times and I typically cry alot. Poor husband.

Evan is getting the benefit of nursing even if you don't do it much--and you are keeping your sanity. (And Jeremy appears fine to me!) 2000 years ago it would have been more of a problem; but you would have hired a nursemaid and no one would have known. :) I have a love/hate relationship with nursing. I mistakenly had friends tell me that my son would lose interest in it on his own. I'm waiting! And I will cut him off by 2 if he doesn't.

You're a great mom--don't feel guilt.

 
At August 29, 2005 12:34 PM, Blogger amanda said...

I think Amy is informed and open-minded. Therefore she will quickly recognize any need to change her parenting style (should it arise). Also, I think Amy would not be too proud or stubborn to immediately make changes she believes are in the best interest of her daughter.

I know TulipGirl has personal experience with BabyWise. (In fact, she is probably familiar with and has experienced implementation of a wide range of other GKGW materials, but this blog post was limited to BabyWise material because that's all I have experienced). She, I think, is only trying to prevent for other moms the same regret she experienced. But BabyWise admittedly does work for some women (and their families).

If a mother, such as Amy (sorry you're becoming a case study here) has educated herself on both sides of a debate, accepts that nothing is fail-safe and then takes her position on her chosen parenting technique, why discourage her from trying?

 
At January 17, 2006 8:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I am an Aussie mum (mom). Babywise didn't work for me but it wouldn't be so bad if people had minded their own business and left me be. I found that I could not be honest with my church and blood family because if I opened up about lack of sleep I would be faced with "well, have you been feeding every 3 hours??" We did the Prep. for Parenting course as expectant parents which set up a pass or fail mentality in our heads - or baby sleeps through by 10 weeks = PASS or doesn't = FAIL. I tried the program for three months and when I switched to demand feeding only after that did my little hungry man sleep through. I am expecting my fourth child now and I'm still getting questioned about routine feeding. I just wish where I am that we could all be supportive, encouraging and bearing one another's burdens. If Babywise works - great! It didn't for me though and my children have all thrived.

 

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