Comments on Potluck and Leftovers: On Bemoaning BabyWise

Hi, I am an Aussie mum (mom). Babywise didn't wor...

2006-01-17T20:43:00.000-08:00

Hi, I am an Aussie mum (mom). Babywise didn't work for me but it wouldn't be so bad if people had minded their own business and left me be. I found that I could not be honest with my church and blood family because if I opened up about lack of sleep I would be faced with "well, have you been feeding every 3 hours??" We did the Prep. for Parenting course as expectant parents which set up a pass or fail mentality in our heads - or baby sleeps through by 10 weeks = PASS or doesn't = FAIL. I tried the program for three months and when I switched to demand feeding only after that did my little hungry man sleep through. I am expecting my fourth child now and I'm still getting questioned about routine feeding. I just wish where I am that we could all be supportive, encouraging and bearing one another's burdens. If Babywise works - great! It didn't for me though and my children have all thrived.

"If a mother, such as Amy (sorry you're becoming a...

2005-08-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

"If a mother, such as Amy (sorry you're becoming a case study here) has educated herself on both sides of a debate, accepts that nothing is fail-safe and then takes her position on her chosen parenting technique, why discourage her from trying?"

Three reasons. . .

1. Biology and theology. In studying the biology of breastfeeding and infant development, God's amazing design of how hormones work together lead to conclusions of how breastfeeding/infant growth work best. Babywise undermines that design, and in fact works contrary to what we can see in Creation. As a Christian speaking to Christian mothers, I feel compelled to point out that we have an amazing Creator who has instituted a great design in infant nourishment. While some mother/baby dyads may "fit" into the Babywise mold with no apparant ill effect, Babywise is still working against what we see in the design of Creation.

2. Gradual onset of problems. Even intelligent, observant mothers in tune to their babies can miss the earliest signs of problems with Babywise. Especially when being encouraged by other mothers who are using Babywise. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard BW mamas reassure one another that "oh, yes--my baby is petite, too!" and dismiss the earliest signs of slowed growth. Or overlook the early signs of dehydration--baby is still getting enough wet diapers, so mother dismisses that they are becoming more concentrated. It isn't like failure to thrive happens overnight--it's onset is usually very gradual. Often with BW babies, it doesn't get to that frightening extreme of FTT--but instead baby does not get sufficient calories for optimum growth. Milk supply issues are blamed on not enough good nutrition, stress, or mother dehydration (that's what I thought my problem was at the time I lost my milk supply. . .) Also, at times BW seems to be "working great" in the early months, and problems only manifest after mom is so secure in this method that she has trouble recognizing problems are developing. So even a well-read, intelligent mother can experience problems and not see them in the earliest stages when they can best be dealt with.

3. Why risk it? If we give credence to the "it worked for me" testimonials, then we ought to give equal weight to the stories of when BW didn't work. Personally, I know twice as many people who would have said "it works!" at one point who later saw the problems it caused, than I do people who implemented BW and continued to maintain it "worked." With the serious problems that can result from using BW--why take the risk? Why play Russian roulette with the health and development of our little ones?

Like I said, I know many mamas who do choose to use Babywise, and I respect them all the same. I think they are making a foolhardy decision when they choose to use these materials as a key source for parenting ideas.

And yet. . . As a Christian, I believe that God has given each of us *our* children to raise to the glory of God. And we are responsible to him--not to our friends or friendly people we know online.

I believe that Amy is the best mother for her little girl (sorry for talking about you third person!) and that no one loves her or could care for her better than Amy. And I feel the same about my other BW using friends.

I think Amy is informed and open-minded. Therefore...

2005-08-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

I think Amy is informed and open-minded. Therefore she will quickly recognize any need to change her parenting style (should it arise). Also, I think Amy would not be too proud or stubborn to immediately make changes she believes are in the best interest of her daughter.

I know TulipGirl has personal experience with BabyWise. (In fact, she is probably familiar with and has experienced implementation of a wide range of other GKGW materials, but this blog post was limited to BabyWise material because that's all I have experienced). She, I think, is only trying to prevent for other moms the same regret she experienced. But BabyWise admittedly does work for some women (and their families).

If a mother, such as Amy (sorry you're becoming a case study here) has educated herself on both sides of a debate, accepts that nothing is fail-safe and then takes her position on her chosen parenting technique, why discourage her from trying?

"BabyWise - some women can do the whole program, s...

2005-08-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

"BabyWise - some women can do the whole program, some can't. There's no way to tell who will be good at it and who will "fail". . .

This is very true. And since there is so much medical misinformation presented as "fact" in Babywise, I warn against it for all mamas. Sure it may "work" for some babies/mamas--but my experience is even when it "works," later on the parents see it really wasn't that great for their families.

Anyway. . .

It felt a little weird to read your comment ". . .when she first "admitted" to an angry mob that she uses the BabyWise method. . ."

Since I was one of the few outspoken against it on her blog, I guess you would lump me with the "angry mob." Amy and I e-mailed about Babywise months ago, so it's not like I'm surprised that she's decided to implement Babywise with her family.

I respect Amy and believe she dotes on her daughter and is doing the best she can for her family. I also believe she is making decisions based on faulty information. Even the most loving and involved parents can have poor outcomes when the information they are using for decision making is flawed. While Babywise seems to be "working" right now for her--when my kids were that young I was gung-ho about it, too. *shrug*

How did I just find your blog? (Mike was looking a...

2005-08-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

How did I just find your blog? (Mike was looking at it and I said, "What is that?" I think he showed me pictures when Evan was born and I just thought it was a website you posted newborn photos on.)

Anyway, I am SO Sorry for your experience. I sure wish I could share my supply with you--I am probably the 300% different--I always got mastitis if I didn't feed at least every 4 hours--I've had it probably 5 or 6 times and I typically cry alot. Poor husband.

Evan is getting the benefit of nursing even if you don't do it much--and you are keeping your sanity. (And Jeremy appears fine to me!) 2000 years ago it would have been more of a problem; but you would have hired a nursemaid and no one would have known. :) I have a love/hate relationship with nursing. I mistakenly had friends tell me that my son would lose interest in it on his own. I'm waiting! And I will cut him off by 2 if he doesn't.

You're a great mom--don't feel guilt.

Amy - this totally wasn't about you (perhaps I sho...

2005-08-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

Amy - this totally wasn't about you (perhaps I should have made that more clear since I did link to your blog). I was just weighing in on the topic in general. If I ever want to attack you, I'll definitely go to the source and comment directly on your blog. =)

Hey Amanda - I appreciate your perspective and tot...

2005-08-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Amanda - I appreciate your perspective and totally agree with what you say. Regarding breastfeeding - what really matters is loving your child and if it didn't work for you, that's okay. I'm sorry that it was such a struggle, though!

I hope, in the posts on my blog, people don't feel I'm being too judgmental. I really don't care what other people do for their kids if it works for them. I was just sharing what's worked for us.

God bless,
Amy